So I have been writing some really crazy ficticious stories recently, this is not fiction its the way I see friendship, life and love sometimes. If you find it a little disturbing don't judge its just how I feel sometimes.
So, my conclusion is we are all alone ultimately. It doesnt matter how many people you have in your life, how many friends you have or if you are in love or not. Ultimately we are alone, those times we actually need our friends, the ones who claim to love us they never show up.
You go out on a limb for people not for the wrong reasons, but because thats how you naturally are, you just want to help and be there for the ones you call friend, even when its not convenient. You do all these and then you need the tiniest favour and yea, they are no where to be found, excuses; usually painfully flimsy.
We are alone either we choose to accept that fact or not, those things on your mind that you will never tell a soul, it eats at you every day and you shove deeper down with every smile, You are alone.
You have a faboulous time out with the girls and you are home alone at night crying your eyes out, the fact that you use a good concealer does not change the fact that... You are alone.
You have a successful business but you would rather be with a woman you met 5 years after you married your wife, you yearn for her, you would kill to have her, but you would never admit to that, you will never tell anyone...You are alone
Times in which you think of a crazy idea and you laugh, you think of what your friends will feel, say or so and you swallow it, you are alone.
You are in love with a person, you would think they love you too, but you know deep down he doesnt love you but you never bring up the topic, you wont admit this to anyone... You are alone.
The list can go on and on, we have people around us everytime, we have friends and family we would do anything for, but trust me when the chips are down you are alone, we are ultimately alone.
Thursday, May 31
Toni's Anguish ; Help Stop Sexual Abuse.
This is a ficticious story, its my way of speaking up about the issue of sexual abuse in our society. We can't just sit and fold our hands while our promising young ones waste away owing to this 'Pandemic'
TONI's STORY!
I walked across that empty land clutching my purse to my chest, walking as fast as I could, my chest contracting with every step. I was tired but I kept on walking, I had to get out of here before the miscreants there came. My head was clouded with thoughts, Dylan.! I'm falling fast in love with him, that has never happened before but I wasn't sure what he wanted from me. I wanted so bad to figure it out I tried to push the thoughts away I made no progress, but still I kept walking.
"Stop there"! I heard them call out. My heart froze literarily, I didn't make it out alive was my first thought, then I stopped thinking I started to plot, I have to get out without being injured I was going to make it home safe and not abused. I became furious scared and fearless all these emotions rolled into one was an epic feeling. I knew I wasn't going to be raped either I get raped or I die I was sure these miscreants wont have none of me.
Albert road was known for harbouring miscreants who robbed men and sexually abused women. Last year Shannon was raped on the bare floor she walked home in her underwear and a lot of shame and she did not press charges because she felt it will ruin her. This madness has to stop. These guys have to understand consequences and ultimately learn that it was a depraved thing to do. Who forces a person to have sex with them?
As I walked slowly contemplating whether to run or not I thought about Shannon, about Flaky, Lola and the other girls who have been 'slaughtered' on this road. This is not going to happen I thought to myself, I'd rather die. At that thought I decided to run, I sprinted as fast as I could, after a few yards they caught up with me. One of the smacked me across the face and yelled "why were you running"? "Nothing" I said. He smacked me again.
I know what you are thinking, yes they did, all five of them. It was awful and my body never felt the same after that day. I took the bold step I made sure they paid for what they did, I spoke to the police but it was not enough, I went to therapy I needed to feel better like a human beign again but it was not enough. I thought of Dylan, I can't ever have him now can i? that thought killed me.
I felt so disconnected with my body that I started to cut myself, I cut because I needed to feel I am still here, somewhere in there, the more I bled, the more I feel like that day was gone. But the moment the bleeding and pain subsides the pain in my heart, in my head comes rushing back like a mighty wind and then I would cut again. I tried burning too, I did my last finger, I didn't like fire so I stopped, cutting is better I figured.
Sometimes, I remember Uncle B, he touched me when I was nine years old, and told me I was his best niece, he told me if I let him touch me again he would promote me to the niece of the year and that translated into more gifts and attention so I let him touch me again until he got transferred to Abuja. When I became old enough to figure out what he did to me, it wrecked me, I learnt to live with it but I never felt like I deserved to be loved.
So much pain than I can bear, I haven't stopped seeking for help, I would do anything to get better, feel better but right now lets just spread the word let sexual abuse stop. Increase the punishment, castrate sex offenders, do whatever, this has got to stop.
Whether I get help or not, my life has changed forever.
Help another child out there, Parents watch who baby sits for you, help protect your own. We have to help clear the streets of these miscreants who do such awful things we have to stop sexual abuse in its every form.
TONI's STORY!
I walked across that empty land clutching my purse to my chest, walking as fast as I could, my chest contracting with every step. I was tired but I kept on walking, I had to get out of here before the miscreants there came. My head was clouded with thoughts, Dylan.! I'm falling fast in love with him, that has never happened before but I wasn't sure what he wanted from me. I wanted so bad to figure it out I tried to push the thoughts away I made no progress, but still I kept walking.
"Stop there"! I heard them call out. My heart froze literarily, I didn't make it out alive was my first thought, then I stopped thinking I started to plot, I have to get out without being injured I was going to make it home safe and not abused. I became furious scared and fearless all these emotions rolled into one was an epic feeling. I knew I wasn't going to be raped either I get raped or I die I was sure these miscreants wont have none of me.
Albert road was known for harbouring miscreants who robbed men and sexually abused women. Last year Shannon was raped on the bare floor she walked home in her underwear and a lot of shame and she did not press charges because she felt it will ruin her. This madness has to stop. These guys have to understand consequences and ultimately learn that it was a depraved thing to do. Who forces a person to have sex with them?
As I walked slowly contemplating whether to run or not I thought about Shannon, about Flaky, Lola and the other girls who have been 'slaughtered' on this road. This is not going to happen I thought to myself, I'd rather die. At that thought I decided to run, I sprinted as fast as I could, after a few yards they caught up with me. One of the smacked me across the face and yelled "why were you running"? "Nothing" I said. He smacked me again.
I know what you are thinking, yes they did, all five of them. It was awful and my body never felt the same after that day. I took the bold step I made sure they paid for what they did, I spoke to the police but it was not enough, I went to therapy I needed to feel better like a human beign again but it was not enough. I thought of Dylan, I can't ever have him now can i? that thought killed me.
I felt so disconnected with my body that I started to cut myself, I cut because I needed to feel I am still here, somewhere in there, the more I bled, the more I feel like that day was gone. But the moment the bleeding and pain subsides the pain in my heart, in my head comes rushing back like a mighty wind and then I would cut again. I tried burning too, I did my last finger, I didn't like fire so I stopped, cutting is better I figured.
Sometimes, I remember Uncle B, he touched me when I was nine years old, and told me I was his best niece, he told me if I let him touch me again he would promote me to the niece of the year and that translated into more gifts and attention so I let him touch me again until he got transferred to Abuja. When I became old enough to figure out what he did to me, it wrecked me, I learnt to live with it but I never felt like I deserved to be loved.
So much pain than I can bear, I haven't stopped seeking for help, I would do anything to get better, feel better but right now lets just spread the word let sexual abuse stop. Increase the punishment, castrate sex offenders, do whatever, this has got to stop.
Whether I get help or not, my life has changed forever.
Help another child out there, Parents watch who baby sits for you, help protect your own. We have to help clear the streets of these miscreants who do such awful things we have to stop sexual abuse in its every form.
Monday, May 21
Growing up... Growing pains
So a lot has been happening in and around my life in recent times... lets just say I growing up. Trust me, the growth is long overdue. Recent events have made me realise that life is not how I look at it.
Its not about drawing lines and being uptight its about living loving and sharing... My values are still pretty much the same but I have learnt to loosen up and live a little.
Major thing on my mind... it was last week, a good friend of mine messaged me on BBM and said she loves and appreciate me (no homo) My reply was basically what? I figured she wanted to ask me for a favour or something of that sort...
She just wanted to tell me she appreciated me because she felt things like that should be done, life is too short and we don't know we may not have the opportunity... I know she meant it and I felt a tad bit ashamed of myself... was I that devoid of emotions? I thought...
A few friends here and there make fun of me and say stuff like I am emotionally un available and say all sorts we laugh about it but at that point it all began to come back to me.
This friend is one I have had to reach out and forgive, she has had to forgive me too and we have been through a lot both individually and as friends. We have had times we felt like we wanted to kill each other and time we have wished we were of different genders so we could marry each other (seeing as we are both heterosexual)
Bottom line is that I love this girl too but it had never crossed my mind to say it to her, not once! at that moment I decided for whatever it was worth I would let people know how I really felt about them good or bad.
I haven't been one to let how I feel show on my face, I find it a bit weird to show emotions and I am perfect at hiding my feelings and whisper the words 'its fine'
So on this day, I typed it, I said it! I told her I loved her too and I appreciate our friendship and everything we have been through. I felt better... it actually felt good. I have decided to do that more often let the people around me know that I actually care about them and that cheeky almost plastic smile I wear almost always actually means something.
We grow up everyday... it might be uncomfortable and sometimes painful but its growth and its needed.
Saturday, May 19
I Have Been Tagged! LOL
Ok, Myjaydtots has tagged me... she has asked me to say eleven random things about me... here we go!
- I have lost a bit of weight
- I don't like arrogant people
- I look in the mirror so much... infact I think too much
- I love to dance in front of the mirror
- My imagination runs wild very wild.
- I'm extremely adventurous and danger fascinates me
- I am not an average girl... yes I said it! I'm a bit stronger physically and emotionally
- I love God so much you cant imagine and I am not afraid or shy about it.
- I love to lead and don't mind putting the needed work
- I don't shed tears almost never) at least not for frivolous reasons
- I don't think marriage is an end in itself, its just a means to an end
Mjady’s 11 QUESTIONS *my answers are directly under*
1. Where is the place you get most inspired?
church
2. Who is your mentor?
Joyce Meyer, Bimbo Odukoya,
3. What comes to your head when you think Ibadan (Western Nigeria)?
weird old but nice city! Lol
4. What was the last silly thing you did?
lol I'm not telling!
5. How old are you?
24
6. What passes as indulgence for you?
chocolate, procrastination (and things I wont say! lol)
7. What happened the last time you prayed for a miracle?
A miracle happened? yes definitely did!
8. What was your most embarrassing moment?
I have a few,, but cant rem a particular one right now...
9. Describe an outfit you’d love to appear in?
An amazing black dress with purple sapphire jewellery... (I wont let everything out jor)
10. Can you recall the name of your first crush?
Yes.. def!
11. Are you reconciled to God through Jesus Christ?
Yes please!
I hope you loved my answers and I cant wait to read other answers...
Misslara's questions...
- What is your favourite endearing word?
- what was your most embarrassing moment?
- what do you think of me?
- Are you sexually active?
- what do you think of me?
- What gift would you love for your birthday?
- who is a major influence in your life right now?
- Thoughts on marriage?
- what do you do in your spare time?
- what is the single mos stupid thing you have ever done?
- do you have any event you regret?
Now, who am I tagging? yes I'm tagging you! yes you!
lovelife4sale
Adamzwealth
datfunkyfro
so she writes....
its tonilicious
Sugabelly
the diary of a fat naija girl
Tell the world
Unspoken written
Beuluv
True perspective
Tuesday, May 1
Stupid things Women think, say and do... part Un.
So I was walking back from Boots today when I started to think about stupid things women say and do...
In fact I remembered a conversation I had with 'Fatima' a very intelligent school mate a few weeks ago about equality between men and women. She was of the school of thought that women and men are different and cannot be compared.. You can only determine equality if the two things in question have the same characteristics... she said. She concluded that both genders should be accorded its due respect as one can not say that we are equal neither can one say that one is inferior. I agree with her to an extent.
My topic of discuss is not eaquality of genders, I just want to talk quickly about stupid things women think say and do. This is going to be a series on this blog... Your full participation is required and greatly appreciated.
STUPID THING NO1;
'My man is free to cheat so far he doesnt do it to my face, its in the nature of a man to cheat'
Is there a difference if he does it to your face or behind your back? In my opinion only women with low self esteem say things like that. Somewhere in your mind you feel that is all you deserve, you feel you do not deserve a man who is wholly commited to you, who loves you enough to keep his zippers up or his text maessages from wandering.
You Think 'if i accept this nonsense he will never leave', sorry darling but he will leave, in fact a man who cheats on you does not love you in the first place. You have to stop belittling yourself, You have to tell yourself you deserve a man who gives you his all, and giving you his complete attention is a rare priviledge on his part. Change your thought patterns and take control of your life, you dont have to conform to the standards of the world. You dont have to compromise your happiness for a dysfunctional relationship. My point is you should not settle for inhumane treatment just because you need a boyfriend, husband etc
This is my one penny...
In fact I remembered a conversation I had with 'Fatima' a very intelligent school mate a few weeks ago about equality between men and women. She was of the school of thought that women and men are different and cannot be compared.. You can only determine equality if the two things in question have the same characteristics... she said. She concluded that both genders should be accorded its due respect as one can not say that we are equal neither can one say that one is inferior. I agree with her to an extent.
My topic of discuss is not eaquality of genders, I just want to talk quickly about stupid things women think say and do. This is going to be a series on this blog... Your full participation is required and greatly appreciated.
STUPID THING NO1;
'My man is free to cheat so far he doesnt do it to my face, its in the nature of a man to cheat'
Is there a difference if he does it to your face or behind your back? In my opinion only women with low self esteem say things like that. Somewhere in your mind you feel that is all you deserve, you feel you do not deserve a man who is wholly commited to you, who loves you enough to keep his zippers up or his text maessages from wandering.
You Think 'if i accept this nonsense he will never leave', sorry darling but he will leave, in fact a man who cheats on you does not love you in the first place. You have to stop belittling yourself, You have to tell yourself you deserve a man who gives you his all, and giving you his complete attention is a rare priviledge on his part. Change your thought patterns and take control of your life, you dont have to conform to the standards of the world. You dont have to compromise your happiness for a dysfunctional relationship. My point is you should not settle for inhumane treatment just because you need a boyfriend, husband etc
This is my one penny...
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